Banjo Kazooie’s announcement way back when made me so happy I decided to unplug the toaster from the bathroom adapter. They’ve been released, and we’ve been told who our next fighter is; Terry Bogard from SNK’s Fatal Fury.
A boring pick to some, and an amazing one to others.
So. What do we want to see from the next year of Smash? With one more fighter left in the current Fighter’s Pass and another five announced for next year, what can we expect to see?
Let’s run over a glimpse of what may be, what I wish would be, and what should never ever happen…
First of all, let’s remember we still have one more character coming after Terry.
There are a few good bets on this, such as Monster Hunter. I wouldn’t be surprised if they showed up tracking that pesky Rathalos that keeps trying to eat me.
This batch of fighters has been very third party focused. It’s probably a safe bet that the next lot will be… But that’s not what we want in our heart now, is it people. I’ll just say it.
Waluigi
The Monarch of Memes. The Duke of Dickery. The Wahhhhhlord.
Playstylewise I’d expect a similar general floatiness to Luigi, albeit with a few more spikey dashes to give his flow an unpleasantly jerky feel. The mans got reach. He ducks low with those gangly limbs of his and can move with a fair turn of speed while crouched like a horrific spider.
Some kind of tennis attack is a must, of course, with a good charge up to it.
His up smash sees his body straighten and elongate unnaturally before his teeth bite down hard, gripping anything they catch tighter than a gnats chuff.
Final Smash: Wahhhmageddon.
WAAAAA! WAAAAAAAA!!
Waluigi summons the Waaaas.
They pour from his mouth like a cloud of flies, obscuring his foes and devouring their flesh for constant chip damage. Foes with a current cloud on them will also be far more susceptible to smash attacks.D
Doomguy
Our next pick might not seem too likely to most of you. A little too mature in tone, perhaps. But he’s an iconic piece of gaming history, his title has Switch presence, and let’s be honest; We Want Him.
I’m talking, of course, about Doomguy.
Sporting some of his more iconic arsenal he would cut a startlingly bloodless swathe through the smash roster. A shotgun for a smash attack, a chainsaw revving for his down special. Some rockets and plasma guns here and there, and possibly his grapple from Eternal for his up special.
I mostly want him in for his music, and the inevitable flesh-horror hell-stage.
Final Smash? Can there be any choice other than that beautiful green glow of death?
Doctor Robotnik (Eggman)
I was thinking about Tails and Knuckles, as I usually do when I’m in the bath. Both could make for great and interesting fighters. Tails stage recovery alone would be ridiculous.
But then I remembered that Bowser, Dedede, King K Rool, Ganondorf and Ridley have all gotten to join the Party.
Robotnik deserves his time to shine.
I’m thinking a classic gangly limbed ginger egg of a man here, with specials involving the summoning of some of his more iconic Badniks. Motobugs speeding along the ground, Buzz Bombers taking to the air, and Coconuts throwing… Coconuts.
Final Smash: Death Egg Robot.
Big old ovoid mechanical death, think about it.
Bomberman
Another icon of gaming history; Bomberman deserves to join the fight. He should take his place alongside the likes of Mario, Sonic, Ryu and of course Pacman.
Moves? Really? You need me to detail this?
Bombs. Bombs.
Bombs, more bombs.
Throwing bombs. Planting bombs.
Using the explosive power of bombs to hurtle upwards.
Sticky bombs. Remote bombs. Napalm bombs. Icey bombs. Electric bombs. ALL. THE BOMBS. Directionless special to switch types, perhaps. With down planting them, sideways throwing them, and up using them to rocket jump.
Final Smash: Well I was actually thinking a sword move fo-OF COURSE ITS FUCKING BOMBS.
Transformational, sort of, BM (oh my god why hadn’t I noticed that before) just starts chucking bombs all around with wild abandon of all his potential types.
And finally… Sobble (sort of)
Okay, so this is a fairly vague guess, but with Sword and Shield coming out pretty soon I’d say there’s a good chance we’ll see one of the new beasties from that showup.
The final evolution of one of the starters is a strong contender though… Probably whichever of the bastards evolves into yet another /fighting type.
Or Anxietolotl. My headcanon final evolution for Sobble.
Hard to say what their moveset would be when I have zero idea exactly what they’d be, but let’s go with the totally canonical Anxietoltl. That’s um…
That’s mostly going to be crying then. Lots of crying.
A down special that sees it dive into a puddle at its feet. The puddle stays as a slip hazard, and Anxietoltl bursts back out somewhere to the left or right depending on the player’s input.
Final Smash: Fountains of Sadness
Anxietoltl’s tears begin to fill the stage. Get to high ground or drown!
But wait, it’s horrible sobbing drives all who hear it to maddening levels of misery, making your characters sluggish and unresponsive!
There we have it. A list of vaguely thought out potentials that I have carefully not just filled up with my wishlist (Guybrush Threepwood, the Horned Reaper, Conker the Squirrel, Gordon Freeman, and Dizzy the egg).
And also, more startlingly, didn’t just go for the silliest (read: best) options for the world of gaming.
Like Leisure Suit Larry.
Or Mary-Kate and Ashley from Mary-Kate and Ashley’s sweet sixteen, among other titles.
Or the Longblock.
Or Bowsette.
Or the Great Old One, Cthulhu, who lies not dead but dreaming and whose Final Smash shall end the earth.
What do you think? Got better ideas? Annoyed I haven’t mentioned Minecraft or Fortnite?
Let us know in the comments below or on that social media all the kids are talking about.
I’ve gotta go see a Bear about a Bird.