Since the posters for Ouija tell you that it is a surefire sign of disaster – posting at the top that it is from the producers of Insidious and Texas Chainsaw Massacre – I bought my ticket in South Korea today with everybody else (actually, the theater was near empty) and took a chance. Why, you ask? I’m a horror junkie and want to see it all.
There’s always a small piece of my soul that hopes the producers of Insidious will give me something that’s a tad scary and interesting, rather than the horrible messes that were Jessabelle and Insidious 2. Alas, not so.
The only thing scary about Ouija is how bloody boring it is. I’d like to think Stiles White, who wrote and directed it, was kidnapped and forced to shame himself at gunpoint. Really, there’s no other excuse. Based on the Hasbro board game, the movie wants to be the evil spawn of The Sixth Sense and Scream, and ends up birthing only pure tedium. The setup alone goes on for an eternity, as we learn that when the game is played the kids can hold up the game’s dial to their eyes and see ghosts. Modern kids would record and Vine this stuff, but these kids begin to run about and hunt a murderer that they know they can’t find unless they play the game.
That’s it. One idea, mixed with stupidity and lame twists, and stretched far beyond coherence. Ouija doesn’t need a review. It needs a little gasoline and a match to burn the game and its box.